He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
