i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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