I could make wine with my vomit
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
