I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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