Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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