Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
