Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Holy shit dude........stairs
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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