So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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