just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
