You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Randomize
