Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You need Xanax blowdarts
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
