the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
