TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize