Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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