My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
