there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
