I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
