I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
