he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
