You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
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