i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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