I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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