that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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