Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
