Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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