Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
My balls are so social today.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
