i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
