I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
