Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
