We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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