.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
