you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
