Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
My vagina is very pro this idea
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
