I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Randomize
