when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
