Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
