it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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