Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
