First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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