I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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