you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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