is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
