Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
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