tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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