Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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