If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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