ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
