she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
