I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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