I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
