Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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