walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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