I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
