I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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