You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
