I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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