do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
He felt like a one man threesome
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
