just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
