and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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