the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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