i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i already hear my dad disowning me
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
