He disabled his match.com account in front of me
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Randomize
