Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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