they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
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