I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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