i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
