My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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