Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I am spending my child support on dildos
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
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