I love black thongs
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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