I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
