like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
