I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
