How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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