evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
